I was born in Seoul, Korea to Korean parents. These are the things I was told about my birth family, or what I remember being told. I had older siblings. I can't remember if I had 2 older siblings or 3. It's more likely that there were only 2 though. My birth parents owned a business and decided to give me up for adoption because they felt they could not provide for another child. I'm not sure, but I think I was put in foster care until I was 6 months old, and shipped off to the US to meet my adoptive parents. My parents picked me up at the airport gate and here I am.
I was brought up like any other Caucasian child would be. That's all my parents knew. My father grew up in Utah to Caucasian parents, and my mother grew up in Utah, again to Caucasian parents. My mother however was adopted when she was a toddler from Greece, but I don't think she had much of her heritage introduced to her growing up. If she did, she didn't share any of it. A few years later my parents adopted another Korean child. My sister Britni. From what we were told, we only knew about a birth mother, and she did keep my sister for a little while before she decided to give her up. My mother decided on an international adoption because she was worried about the threat of a birth mother changing their mind and taking her child back (she watched a lot of Lifetime movies back in the day. Sorry mom, but you did), and she felt that it was less likely for that to happen if the parents were in a different country.
My sister and I were loved growing up. I don't know how/when we were told we were adopted, but we always knew. Of course, we don't even look like our parents. We do however look a little bit alike to people who can't tell the difference between two Asian people. If we told anyone that we were adopted, the next question would always be, "Are you real sisters?" Yes, we're real sisters, but the way you mean it, no. If you really look at us, we don't look a like at all. We would also get asked if we speak Korean. Sadly no. I wish I did, but I didn't. I only know a few words, but not enough to have a conversation or even say a complete sentence.
I never had a desire to learn about my culture. I had a negative feeling towards Korea because of my personal feelings toward my birth family. Unlike my sister, whose mother was single, and really didn't have a lot of options, I had a family who, I felt, didn't want me. I still sort of feel that way. Being a mother of 3 children myself, I can't understand. I would never give up any of my children. I would find a way to take care of them, because they're mine and I love them. I loved them from the moment I knew they existed. Anyways, I grew up with these negative feelings inside of me. When I got my Patriarchal Blessing (you can learn about what that is
here), there was a blessing that I would have a desire to learn about my Korean culture and learn the language I'm thinking, seriously? That can't be. I have no desire at all. That is until I started talking more to one of my co-workers. She had been watching Korean Dramas and told me I should watch one. So, I started watching
City Hunter. This was not the best KD to begin with for someone who never even heard about Korean Dramas, but it did get me interested in watching more. Because I was watching these dramas, I started picking up a little Korean, and I started to fall in love with the culture and heritage. I never imagined that would happen. I can make bulgogi without looking at a recipe. I want to speak fluent Korean, and I would love to see Korea. When Zachary enlisted for active duty, we were hoping he would get Korea.
I no longer have a negative feeling toward Korea, all thanks to one of the best friends I've ever had. Thank you Sunbae Nim! I don't think you really know how grateful I am to have you in my life. I do still have negative feelings toward my birth parents. I just can't understand how you can give up one of your child and keep the rest. Maybe if I had the chance to speak to them, and find out how they felt, I might feel different. But I don't want to find find them or talk to them.
I am grateful to have the parents I do have. They love me and my sister as if they are our birth parents. They spoiled us rotten, and to the best of their ability, gave us everything that we wanted. I know if I was not adopted, I probably would not have lived as nice as I did, but I still feel bitter.
